The leaves on the tree outside my window are still lime green from drinking up so much rain. I'm over rain. I hope it doesn't come back for at least three weeks.
In a month, I will graduate from Mercer University, move back to Perry, and proceed to collect skeptical looks from everyone I see who can't grasp the notion that I am, indeed, a graduate student.
Moving back to Perry, jobless, is a black hole of bad. Perry has virtually no retail jobs. I refuse to work fast food on principle. The board of education is not hiring. Things are looking bleak, people.
Fortunately, I am separating this anxious state of joblessness by several Last Hoorah Distractions. I will get to see Jake again in a few weeks, and then perhaps after graduation we will take a visiting-relatives-road trip. Ellie and I are going to D.C. to cat-sit for Amy and visit every free monument, museum, and park in the city. Then I'll have my residency at Pacific, where I'll take a hundred thousand pictures, hopefully get some writing done, and come home exhausted. So really, I shouldn't complain. I don't have to face the Real of Reality until at least July.
But the reality is there, and it is horrible. I tried to alleviate the thought of it by starting a photography business, of sorts, thinking perhaps I could shoot senior photos over the summer. Thusfar, I've had no luck, but I do have a crisp website. Maybe people will call me when they see the disasterous photos managed through the high school.
Hmm. What else. On Wednesday, I gave my senior poetry reading alongside Whitney. We had a good turnout, a fun reception, and a general nice time. Dad bound my portfolio, and I was able to give those books away at the reading. Overall, things have been going smoothly. I have very little homework, I'm working on the very last issue of Mercer's newspaper, it's Friday, I'm in love.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Decision
The final stats:
University of Georgia: Rejected
Warren Wilson: Rejected
University of Arizona: Accepted
Converse College: Accepted
Pacific University: Accepted
And, after much debate, I’ve decided to go to Pacific*. Woo! I’ve been in touch with one of the faculty members there, and I’m emailing back in forth with a current student. Everyone seems very laid back…very much my style. Plus Pacific does one residency at its campus outside of Portland (where I will get to see REDWOOD TREES for the first time!) and the other residency on the Oregon coast, which is supposed to be beautiful.
I’m very, very excited. The faculty looks stellar, I love to travel, and I’ve never seen the Pacific Northwest. Hoorah!
Things are slowly but surely working out for the people around me, as well. Eleta will be at Mercer Law in the fall; Sarah is taking a spot at Emory’s divinity school, and Whitney finally heard back from the elusive University of North Carolina Greensboro. Jake’s still waiting to hear back from an internship and a few job opportunities.
Nothing’s really managed to sink in yet. I know that next year is going to be really difficult. I know the work will be challenging, and I know it will be even more challenging to be separated from my friends and family, depending on where I’m living. It’s going to be so strange not to come back to Mercer in the fall. I’m very ready to graduate, but at the same time, I’ll have to start all over again. I know I can handle changes—moving to the U.K. prepared me for that—but it doesn’t mean it’ll be very fun to have to get to know a new system when I’ve become so comfortable.
For now, I'm just trying to make the best of what I've got. For the first time in forever, I have very little work to do. I can take naps, read books, and have tea parties with my friends. Penelope & Francis (the directors of the Oxford program) will be in town this weekend, Ryan (Oxford housemate) next weekend, and Jake the following week (yay!), so I'll be plenty busy. Yeeps.
Time is a moment, sir.
*Pacific's program is what's known as a "low residency" MFA program. Each student has an advisor who monitors and responds to writing progress, as well as assists with reading assignments, etc. Twice a year (in June and January), the faculty and students meet up for residencies in Oregon. The residencies are made up of lectures, panels, readings, and writing workshops. The perks of this sort of program are that students can maintain jobs and live wherever they like, with the exception of the two residency periods.
University of Georgia: Rejected
Warren Wilson: Rejected
University of Arizona: Accepted
Converse College: Accepted
Pacific University: Accepted
And, after much debate, I’ve decided to go to Pacific*. Woo! I’ve been in touch with one of the faculty members there, and I’m emailing back in forth with a current student. Everyone seems very laid back…very much my style. Plus Pacific does one residency at its campus outside of Portland (where I will get to see REDWOOD TREES for the first time!) and the other residency on the Oregon coast, which is supposed to be beautiful.
I’m very, very excited. The faculty looks stellar, I love to travel, and I’ve never seen the Pacific Northwest. Hoorah!
Things are slowly but surely working out for the people around me, as well. Eleta will be at Mercer Law in the fall; Sarah is taking a spot at Emory’s divinity school, and Whitney finally heard back from the elusive University of North Carolina Greensboro. Jake’s still waiting to hear back from an internship and a few job opportunities.
Nothing’s really managed to sink in yet. I know that next year is going to be really difficult. I know the work will be challenging, and I know it will be even more challenging to be separated from my friends and family, depending on where I’m living. It’s going to be so strange not to come back to Mercer in the fall. I’m very ready to graduate, but at the same time, I’ll have to start all over again. I know I can handle changes—moving to the U.K. prepared me for that—but it doesn’t mean it’ll be very fun to have to get to know a new system when I’ve become so comfortable.
For now, I'm just trying to make the best of what I've got. For the first time in forever, I have very little work to do. I can take naps, read books, and have tea parties with my friends. Penelope & Francis (the directors of the Oxford program) will be in town this weekend, Ryan (Oxford housemate) next weekend, and Jake the following week (yay!), so I'll be plenty busy. Yeeps.
Time is a moment, sir.
*Pacific's program is what's known as a "low residency" MFA program. Each student has an advisor who monitors and responds to writing progress, as well as assists with reading assignments, etc. Twice a year (in June and January), the faculty and students meet up for residencies in Oregon. The residencies are made up of lectures, panels, readings, and writing workshops. The perks of this sort of program are that students can maintain jobs and live wherever they like, with the exception of the two residency periods.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Down to the Wires
University of Georgia: Waiting
University of Arizona: Accepted
Warren Wilson (low res): Waiting (but prob. rejected; blog tracking reveals they've notified already)
Pacific University (low res): Accepted
Converse College (low res): Accepted
Yikes. So I still have a few responses to receive, but it's coming down to decision time. Right now I'm tossing and turning between Pacific and Converse, but if I get into UGA, that'll throw things off a bit. I'm not going to Arizona for a nice trail mix of reasons.
In other news, spring break was so, so lovely. Got to spend a full week and two weekends with Jake. We visited his family in Omaha (where I was slug-like with a cold), and then spent the rest of the time in Kansas City having various and sundry adventures. Some of this included encounters with dinosaurs, gamblers, going to movies, and eating barbecue.
In three and a half weeks, Jake comes to visit for Easter.
In seven weeks, classes will be over.
In nine weeks, I will graduate.
it beats me, but I do not know; and it beats me, but I do not know; it beats me, but I do not know; I do not know...
..and the way it will all come together in quietness and in time.
University of Arizona: Accepted
Warren Wilson (low res): Waiting (but prob. rejected; blog tracking reveals they've notified already)
Pacific University (low res): Accepted
Converse College (low res): Accepted
Yikes. So I still have a few responses to receive, but it's coming down to decision time. Right now I'm tossing and turning between Pacific and Converse, but if I get into UGA, that'll throw things off a bit. I'm not going to Arizona for a nice trail mix of reasons.
In other news, spring break was so, so lovely. Got to spend a full week and two weekends with Jake. We visited his family in Omaha (where I was slug-like with a cold), and then spent the rest of the time in Kansas City having various and sundry adventures. Some of this included encounters with dinosaurs, gamblers, going to movies, and eating barbecue.
In three and a half weeks, Jake comes to visit for Easter.
In seven weeks, classes will be over.
In nine weeks, I will graduate.
it beats me, but I do not know; and it beats me, but I do not know; it beats me, but I do not know; I do not know...
..and the way it will all come together in quietness and in time.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Cold & Kind
February is really stupid. Last night, I think we had an almost-tornado, and three days ago it was cold, and today it is pleasant. I am waiting for the weather to be pleasant enough that I can go wander around Tattnall Square Park with a leather bag slung over my shoulder, and maybe take pictures or read. I love spring and fall more than any other seasons, and I hate living in a place that truly gets neither.
I have no idea where I will be living in six months, but I hope it's somewhere with good weather.
Thusfar, I have applied to two traditional MFA programs for poetry and two low-residency programs. I still have three more applications to mail out, and I have heard results from no one. This is infuriating, as everyone around me is getting into programs, giving them some sense of security. The only sense I am given at this point is that the economy is going to chew me up, spit me out, and then remind me that I have student loans to pay off.
Jake has been accepted at an international relations program in Monterey, so that could be fun. It makes me nervous to put too much stock in hopes, though, as they tend to implode.
My class schedule is such that I should be getting more fun things done. I am taking 16 registered hours. Three of those will be done at the end of next week, when the Sams Chair Seminar ends. Two hours of class are assistant-teaching for an intro creative writing class, so that requires very little work. One hour is choir, which also requires no preparation other than trying to iron my hideous concert dress once a semester. So this leaves me with more like 10 hours of class that I do consistent work for, but three hours of this ten are independent study, so I don't count that very heavily either. Alright. So I am working "very hard" at 7 hours of class.
I am the world's biggest slacker.
I am having difficulties being reflective about my life at this point, so I shall turn to a list.
Things that I would like:
1. To get into a low-residency program, and have them love me.
2. A dog named Henry.
3. Stability & Certainty.
4. A mild climate.
5. To spend less time alone, and more time with my siblings, parents, friends, and Jake.
6. To read more for fun, to watch interesting movies, to make art projects, to write better poems, to spend more time outside, to listen to more music.
I think I am going to have a shower and take myself to lunch.
I have no idea where I will be living in six months, but I hope it's somewhere with good weather.
Thusfar, I have applied to two traditional MFA programs for poetry and two low-residency programs. I still have three more applications to mail out, and I have heard results from no one. This is infuriating, as everyone around me is getting into programs, giving them some sense of security. The only sense I am given at this point is that the economy is going to chew me up, spit me out, and then remind me that I have student loans to pay off.
Jake has been accepted at an international relations program in Monterey, so that could be fun. It makes me nervous to put too much stock in hopes, though, as they tend to implode.
My class schedule is such that I should be getting more fun things done. I am taking 16 registered hours. Three of those will be done at the end of next week, when the Sams Chair Seminar ends. Two hours of class are assistant-teaching for an intro creative writing class, so that requires very little work. One hour is choir, which also requires no preparation other than trying to iron my hideous concert dress once a semester. So this leaves me with more like 10 hours of class that I do consistent work for, but three hours of this ten are independent study, so I don't count that very heavily either. Alright. So I am working "very hard" at 7 hours of class.
I am the world's biggest slacker.
I am having difficulties being reflective about my life at this point, so I shall turn to a list.
Things that I would like:
1. To get into a low-residency program, and have them love me.
2. A dog named Henry.
3. Stability & Certainty.
4. A mild climate.
5. To spend less time alone, and more time with my siblings, parents, friends, and Jake.
6. To read more for fun, to watch interesting movies, to make art projects, to write better poems, to spend more time outside, to listen to more music.
I think I am going to have a shower and take myself to lunch.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
It Just Takes Some Time
According to Ellie, who is reading the funny papers, hedgehogs are immune to snake venom. This little tidbit makes me realize that I need to read more--not read more of things I'm reading, like high school literature and the Epic of Gilgamesh and eight hundred pages of this and forty of that. I need to read more things like poems, like short stories about a boy who works at a movie theatre, like news articles summarizing the presidential candidate's speeches, because I didn't get to watch them because I was...reading.
I'm not going to summarize my life because I think I just did.
I am trying to be more positive. Trying to remind myself that time does keep going and that it won't run me over; that I can somehow make it to mid-December, when everything will be clear and clean and manageable.
I am catering to my personality by fantasizing about future living, when I'm not in an on-campus apartment with a baby-vom pink couch and limited closet space. I went with my mother and Ellie yesterday to pick out a bridal shower gift for a friend, and was blown away by the options for choosing fine china. I thought, "Oh, I guess I'm an adult now," because when I was a kid I hated the housewares section, and now I just want to pick out dishes and bedspreads in the hopes of strangers making my purchases for me.
Sorry bout the seemingly run-on sentences today. I don't know what my problem is.
Anyway, so I bought these coasters at Anthropologie, and that makes me want to buy curtains and rugs and prints for the walls, just to prove that I Am Not Living in a Dorm Anymore; that Somehow I'm Successful.
Last weekend I went to visit Jake in Kansas City; we spent a few days in Omaha with his family. I have decided I am in love with the Midwest. On the ride between KC and Omaha, I saw miles and miles of corn and soybean fields, everything properly accented with silos and dilapidated barns. We went to the zoo and hung out with Jake's family and spent lots of time with Garner and Emily, and we had long chats and played name-that-tune on the radio for hours at a time.
And my parents will be home from church soon, probably wanting Mexican food even though I'd rather eat left-overs whilst remaining in my pajamas. I must go with the flow. I must not freak out about school, about grad applications, about the GRE which I still haven't taken, about how I haven't read for my history class all year long, about how I don't yet know my Spanish vocabulary for the test on Wednesday, about how there is no way I'm reading Pride & Prejudice by Friday, and I will be accessing Sparknotes and / or Colin Firth, about how I'm unsure in my relationships and don't know if people are as into things as I am, about how all of my extra-curricular activities are way more stressful than entertaining, about hedgehogs, because they'll be okay in the end.
I'm not going to summarize my life because I think I just did.
I am trying to be more positive. Trying to remind myself that time does keep going and that it won't run me over; that I can somehow make it to mid-December, when everything will be clear and clean and manageable.
I am catering to my personality by fantasizing about future living, when I'm not in an on-campus apartment with a baby-vom pink couch and limited closet space. I went with my mother and Ellie yesterday to pick out a bridal shower gift for a friend, and was blown away by the options for choosing fine china. I thought, "Oh, I guess I'm an adult now," because when I was a kid I hated the housewares section, and now I just want to pick out dishes and bedspreads in the hopes of strangers making my purchases for me.
Sorry bout the seemingly run-on sentences today. I don't know what my problem is.
Anyway, so I bought these coasters at Anthropologie, and that makes me want to buy curtains and rugs and prints for the walls, just to prove that I Am Not Living in a Dorm Anymore; that Somehow I'm Successful.
Last weekend I went to visit Jake in Kansas City; we spent a few days in Omaha with his family. I have decided I am in love with the Midwest. On the ride between KC and Omaha, I saw miles and miles of corn and soybean fields, everything properly accented with silos and dilapidated barns. We went to the zoo and hung out with Jake's family and spent lots of time with Garner and Emily, and we had long chats and played name-that-tune on the radio for hours at a time.
And my parents will be home from church soon, probably wanting Mexican food even though I'd rather eat left-overs whilst remaining in my pajamas. I must go with the flow. I must not freak out about school, about grad applications, about the GRE which I still haven't taken, about how I haven't read for my history class all year long, about how I don't yet know my Spanish vocabulary for the test on Wednesday, about how there is no way I'm reading Pride & Prejudice by Friday, and I will be accessing Sparknotes and / or Colin Firth, about how I'm unsure in my relationships and don't know if people are as into things as I am, about how all of my extra-curricular activities are way more stressful than entertaining, about hedgehogs, because they'll be okay in the end.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Get Excited: It's the Semi-Annual Bi-Monthly Nearly-Never Update
I'm listening to Pandora's interpretation of my music tastes; I'm getting really scared about the future; summer's almost over.
I taught for three weeks of camp this year. It's much easier than it was the first year, but not less tiring. I'm also in the midst of a standardized patient case for the med school. Trying to scrape up baby paychecks.
I move in next Friday. I've been buying too much junk lately. And my mom has. She's the best. Tomorrow I'm getting a television (the first one I've ever owned--just mine, no one else's) so that I can have movie parties in my apartment, which will be decorated with my photographs and my lamp that is breaking and ugly Mercer furniture that's never quite big enough.
My crap laptop, free gift a la freshman year, has finally died. We got the verdict yesterday--fortunately, they can save my hard drive. I've ordered a Mac to replace it--Blackbook, as I'm calling it, seeing as I splurged for the computer with the million gig hard drive.
I've hated spending the past month and a half without a computer. It messes with my organizational sense of what-is-right. I need to be able to access my files or upload photos when I like.
I did a little bit of research on my personality type (ENFJ), and realize that I am prone to look forward to future events more than I relish the actual present. Though this is kind of depressing in and of itself, it explains a lot. I guess now I can just look forward to things and know it's normal. Just be happy being excited about the future and excuse my present boredom.
Things I'm looking forward to:
1. Fresh clean apartment to decorate
2. Living alone-ish
3. Taking a poetry workshop again
4. Visiting Jake in Kansas City
Things I'm dreading:
1. MFA applications
2. Stupid core classes that I don't care about but I know professors will take seriously
3. The GRE
4. being so busy I can't function
I know I'm a really bad blogger and only write about really boring things like plans and assumed futures. I can't help it. Here's something cooler:
Lately I've been having really weird dreams. Last night I dreamed I was in a train with some of the guys from Oxford; one wouldn't pay attention to me. Then the train turned into a boat. Also dreamed the other day that Whitney and I were in her car in a parking lot, and some creepy man convinced us to help him with his car. Then he kidnapped us and beat us up.
Also cooler:
Batman.
I taught for three weeks of camp this year. It's much easier than it was the first year, but not less tiring. I'm also in the midst of a standardized patient case for the med school. Trying to scrape up baby paychecks.
I move in next Friday. I've been buying too much junk lately. And my mom has. She's the best. Tomorrow I'm getting a television (the first one I've ever owned--just mine, no one else's) so that I can have movie parties in my apartment, which will be decorated with my photographs and my lamp that is breaking and ugly Mercer furniture that's never quite big enough.
My crap laptop, free gift a la freshman year, has finally died. We got the verdict yesterday--fortunately, they can save my hard drive. I've ordered a Mac to replace it--Blackbook, as I'm calling it, seeing as I splurged for the computer with the million gig hard drive.
I've hated spending the past month and a half without a computer. It messes with my organizational sense of what-is-right. I need to be able to access my files or upload photos when I like.
I did a little bit of research on my personality type (ENFJ), and realize that I am prone to look forward to future events more than I relish the actual present. Though this is kind of depressing in and of itself, it explains a lot. I guess now I can just look forward to things and know it's normal. Just be happy being excited about the future and excuse my present boredom.
Things I'm looking forward to:
1. Fresh clean apartment to decorate
2. Living alone-ish
3. Taking a poetry workshop again
4. Visiting Jake in Kansas City
Things I'm dreading:
1. MFA applications
2. Stupid core classes that I don't care about but I know professors will take seriously
3. The GRE
4. being so busy I can't function
I know I'm a really bad blogger and only write about really boring things like plans and assumed futures. I can't help it. Here's something cooler:
Lately I've been having really weird dreams. Last night I dreamed I was in a train with some of the guys from Oxford; one wouldn't pay attention to me. Then the train turned into a boat. Also dreamed the other day that Whitney and I were in her car in a parking lot, and some creepy man convinced us to help him with his car. Then he kidnapped us and beat us up.
Also cooler:
Batman.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sleep and Plans
I need the summer off.
I need the summer off so I can think about everything I’ve seen. All the stupid images that I forgot to write down that I’m really going to need if I ever want to write poetry again. I’m forgetting them already—the little boy named River who was on the first leg of our
I decided what I want to do for the next three years, which is a big step considering
I’m afraid of anything else, mostly because I’ve inherited Papa’s condition of needing to take naps all the time. I’ve noticed it getting worse over the past few years. I’ll be working, then I’ll get incredibly sleepy and unable to concentrate until I have a fifteen, forty-five, or sixty minute nap. Jake says, “Why are you sleeping? You sleep all the time. You’re always sleeping.” And I say, I know. I eat the right things. I go to bed before 1.00 and wake up before 9.00. It’s not a case of getting too much sleep and therefore tricking my body into wanting more.
I digress. I need the summer off to get back into the habit of taking really good notes. I’ll only get six weeks, but somehow I have to be relaxed and lazy enough to get pumped up for a million hours of boring academia in the fall. Boring Spanish, boring boring history, boring literary theory, boring Brit lit that I probably already know.
It’s ironic, really. Tomorrow I have to write a paper on whether Tom Stoppard’s plays are “too intellectual”—when I’m coming to think that everything and everyone is too intellectual. I want to photograph weddings or lead punting tours down the
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